E8. Simple Stories and False Certainty

Boi Carpenter

Welcome to the Inquisitive Leader podcast. My name is Bowie Carpenter, and I’m truly honored to have you here. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of wearing many hats—visionary, advisor, strategist, a leader of large-scale teams, and, more recently, as an executive coach. It’s a journey that has spanned over thirty years and has taught me countless lessons about leadership, personal growth, and the power of community.

Boi Carpenter

Today, I want to take us on a path of curiosity—a theme close to my heart. Throughout this episode, we’re going to explore something that’s both deeply human and, frankly, often detrimental: the simple stories we tell ourselves. Those mental shortcuts our brains seem to create when we’re trying to make sense of the world, fill in gaps in information, or resolve uncertainty. I think we’ve all been there, haven't we?

Boi Carpenter

You know, as I reflect on this topic, it strikes me how quickly these narratives form, especially in situations that lack clarity. And the danger lies not just in their simplicity, but in the certainty they offer, a false certainty that, more often than not, leads us astray. So, today, we’re starting with this idea—this human tendency to craft stories—and how, by doing so, we shape our experiences, for better or for worse.

Boi Carpenter

Think about it: how often do we stop to consider the stories we’re telling ourselves, let alone challenge them? It’s critical, not just as leaders but as individuals, to lean into this awareness. To ask questions, pause, and really examine what’s driving our interpretations and decisions.

Boi Carpenter

So, to kick off this discussion, I’ll be asking us to sit with this simple question: why do we create these stories in the first place? And what might emerge if we approached them with a sense of curiosity instead of certainty?

Boi Carpenter

Let’s step into this idea together. Imagine, just for a moment, a scenario where you’ve made plans to meet with a colleague for coffee, excited about the opportunity to connect and have a meaningful conversation. But, as days turn into weeks, there’s no follow-up. No text, no email. Just silence. Now, how often have we, I think we’ve all, done this—taken that silence and turned it into some kind of story?

Boi Carpenter

For me, I recall an instance not so long ago when something very similar happened. It was someone I had worked with on a challenging project, and I’d offered them feedback that, at the time, I thought was constructive. So naturally, when that coffee meeting didn’t happen, my mind started spinning. Was she upset with me about my feedback? Had I somehow damaged our working relationship? Did she hesitate to follow up because of something I said? And you know, the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that my story was the truth.

Boi Carpenter

Here’s what’s fascinating, though. None of this was based on any actual fact. It was just, I mean, it was my brain working overtime to connect dots that frankly weren’t even there. And the stress it created, the needless worrying, was, in hindsight, frankly exhausting. But here’s the turning point—when I, when I dared to ask myself: what if I’ve got this all wrong?

Boi Carpenter

In that moment, I chose to let go of that certainty, that unwavering belief that I knew exactly what was going on. I reached out, sent a simple message, and, as it turned out, she’d been swamped with work deadlines and just forgot to follow up. That was it. No dramatic fallout, no fractured relationship—the reality was far simpler than the story I had built in my mind.

Boi Carpenter

I think, I think this small experience taught me something profound. Our minds are wired to create these narratives, to fill in the blanks when we don’t have the complete picture. But so often, those narratives are based on assumptions rather than truth. And while it might feel comforting to cling to them, they rarely serve us in the way we think they do.

Boi Carpenter

So, what if we could pause when these stories arise? What if we challenged them, asked ourselves what we were missing, or even considered an alternate perspective? That’s the real power of stepping back, isn’t it? Gifting ourselves the chance to see beyond the immediate narrative, to invite complexity, and to approach situations with curiosity rather than judgment.

Boi Carpenter

One of the most enlightening concepts I came across in Jennifer Garvey Berger’s book, 'Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps', is this idea that our mind can, well, trap us in rigid patterns of thinking without us even realizing it. These patterns may feel logical at first, even comforting, but they often limit our ability to see situations clearly, especially as leaders. What I found particularly interesting is how much these mental traps tie back to the simple stories we talked about earlier.

Boi Carpenter

For instance, Berger talks about how quickly we tend to assign roles in these stories—heroes, villains, victims. And when we do that, we shrink the complexity of people down to these overly simplified caricatures. So, she suggests flipping the script and asking: how are they a hero in their own story? It’s such a—such a shift in perspective, isn’t it? This simple question forces us to see people not as obstacles or adversaries, but as humans living out their own narratives, making choices that make sense to them.

Boi Carpenter

Another pivotal strategy from her work is the practice of carrying three alternative stories alongside your own. It’s not about forcing yourself to believe in those alternatives, but about reminding yourself that your initial narrative isn’t the only possible one. I, I really see this as an act of humility, acknowledging that we don’t have all the facts and that our interpretations may not be the full picture. And, honestly, it’s freeing, isn’t it? To release yourself from needing to be certain all the time.

Boi Carpenter

And speaking of facts, this is where Berger’s advice gets really practical. She emphasizes the importance of separating what actually happened from how we interpret it. If you strip away the story, the assumptions, what’s left? Just the facts—something observable, undeniable. It’s such a powerful exercise because it gives you space to pause, to inquire, and to maybe, just maybe, see things differently.

Boi Carpenter

The simplest example of this is when we find ourselves jumping to conclusions about someone’s intentions. Instead of assuming they’re being dismissive or difficult, what if we paused to ask: what else could be true here? What factors might I be overlooking? This act of stepping back, of questioning the story we’re telling ourselves, is where inquiry becomes a tool for breaking free of those mental traps.

Boi Carpenter

Let’s bring everything together now. We’ve explored the power of storytelling, the ways our minds create these simple narratives, and how those mental shortcuts can trap us. But more importantly, we’ve talked about tools that can help us break free from those traps—by embracing inquiry, by challenging ourselves to look beyond the obvious, and by fostering curiosity in our leadership and our lives.

Boi Carpenter

So how do we take those ideas and turn them into practical steps? Well, I think it starts with awareness. Noticing when a story is forming—pausing, even for a moment, to ask ourselves: is this story serving me? Is it helping me see the situation clearly, or is it limiting my perspective? Awareness is the first step, and while it might seem small, it’s immensely powerful.

Boi Carpenter

And then, there’s this idea of separating the facts from the story. What actually happened here? What did I see, hear, or observe? Stripping the situation down to just the facts creates a kind of clarity we can’t always see when we’re mired in assumptions. And when we’ve done that, we can start generating alternatives. What else might be true? What are other ways of interpreting this? Carrying those three alternative stories, like Jennifer Garvey Berger suggests, isn’t just an intellectual exercise—it’s an invitation to open our minds, to see possibilities that might otherwise stay hidden.

Boi Carpenter

What I love most about this approach is how it transforms challenges into opportunities for growth. Instead of getting stuck in one version of the truth, we’re empowered to see multiple paths forward. And as leaders, that kind of flexibility isn’t optional; it’s essential. It allows us to navigate complexity with grace, to lead with empathy, and to foster environments where others feel seen and valued.

Boi Carpenter

As we wrap up today, I want to leave you with this thought. Leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about having the right questions. It’s about being willing to pause, to look inward, and to challenge the stories we’re telling ourselves. And when we do, we unlock something profound: the capacity to lead not just with intelligence, but with wisdom.

Boi Carpenter

Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the Inquisitive Leader. It’s truly a privilege to share this space with you. Remember, inquiry isn’t just a tool—it’s a mindset, a way of being. And as you move forward in your own journey, I encourage you to embrace it fully. On that note, I’ll see you next time. Take care and keep being curious.