E12. Flaws - Edges of Brilliance

Boi Carpenter

Welcome back to Inquisitive Leader. I’m Boi Carpenter, and I’m truly honored to have you here. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of wearing many hats—visionary, advisor, strategist, a leader of large-scale teams, and, more recently, an executive coach. It’s a journey that has spanned over thirty years and has taught me countless lessons about leadership, personal growth, and the power of community.

Boi Carpenter

Today, we’re going to get a little uncomfortable—in the best way. We’re talking about flaws. Or, as I like to call them, the edges of our brilliance. Now, I know, that sounds a bit poetic, maybe even a little too optimistic, but stick with me. This isn’t about sugarcoating our rough spots or pretending our challenges don’t exist. It’s about seeing them through a new lens—one that’s actually transformative, not just for us as individuals, but for how we show up as leaders.

Boi Carpenter

So, let’s unpack this idea: flaws as edges of brilliance. What does that even mean? Well, think about it—what we usually call flaws aren’t the opposite of our strengths. They’re actually the extremes of them. When our gifts get overused, or maybe when we’re running on empty, those strengths can start to look a little... distorted. Like, take perfectionism. I know that one intimately. For me, perfectionism has shown up as this relentless drive—always wanting things to be just right, never quite satisfied. And, honestly, it’s led to some setbacks. I remember leading a team project where I kept tweaking and refining, thinking I was helping. But, in reality, I was slowing us down, and my team felt like their work was never good enough. Not my proudest moment. But here’s the thing: that same perfectionism, when I learned to temper it with a little grace, became a real asset. It helped me see potential, to hold a vision for what could be, and to inspire others to reach for it—without burning out in the process.

Boi Carpenter

Let’s look at a couple more examples. Self-containment—maybe you’re someone who carries a lot on your own shoulders. You’re not isolated, you just feel responsible. That’s a kind of sacred stewardship, right? But if you never let anyone in, you end up carrying too much, and eventually, something’s gotta give. Or control—oh, that’s a big one. Wanting to shape outcomes, to make sure things don’t fall apart. It’s not about being rigid, it’s about caring deeply. But when that care turns into a death grip, it’s fear in disguise. The real gift there is meaning-making, the ability to see connections and possibilities. The trick is letting life co-author with you, instead of trying to write every line yourself.

Boi Carpenter

So, if you’re listening and thinking, “Yeah, but my flaw is different,” I’d challenge you to look again. Every flaw is trying to protect or express something brilliant in you. High standards? That’s integrity. Emotional depth? That’s your capacity to hold space. Desire for control? That’s your commitment to meaning and safety. The work isn’t to suppress these things, or to indulge them, but to integrate them. And that’s what we’re gonna dig into next.

Boi Carpenter

Alright, so how do we actually do this integration work? I want to introduce you to a tool I’ve co-created and find really helpful—it’s called the Edges of Brilliance Map. It’s a four-part reflection process, and honestly, it’s simple enough to use in your journal, but powerful enough to shift how you see yourself and your team.

Boi Carpenter

Here’s how it works. First, you name the flaw—the surface expression. What do you criticize yourself for? Or maybe, what do others misunderstand about you? Write it down, just as it is. For example, “I overfunction and take on too much.” That’s step one.

Boi Carpenter

Step two: dig a little deeper. What’s the underlying need or fear? Maybe you overfunction because you’re afraid of being let down, or you want things to be excellent. This is where you get honest with yourself. No judgment, just curiosity.

Boi Carpenter

Step three: what’s the brilliance at the core? What’s right about what’s “wrong”? In our example, overfunctioning might actually show you have the gift of ownership, high standards, and deep care. That’s not nothing! That’s a real strength, just showing up in a way that’s costing you.

Boi Carpenter

And finally, step four: the integration shift. How can you express this brilliance with more awareness and less cost? Maybe it’s setting boundaries, inviting collaboration, trusting others to rise. Instead of doing it all yourself, you honor your care by letting others share the load.

Boi Carpenter

So, what happens when we actually start to acknowledge and integrate our flaws, instead of fighting them or pretending they don’t exist? That’s where real growth happens. I’ve seen it time and again, both in my own journey and in the leaders I’ve coached. Let me share a quick case study—there was a leader I worked with who had a real tendency toward control. She wanted everything to go a certain way, and, honestly, it was wearing her team out. But when she started to see that her need for control was actually about wanting to create meaning and safety, she was able to reframe it. Instead of micromanaging, she invited her team into the process, co-creating solutions. The outcomes? More engagement, more creativity, and a lot less stress for everyone.

Boi Carpenter

There’s a big difference between suppressing a flaw and relating to it with compassion. Suppression just pushes it underground, where it usually pops up in other ways—sometimes even stronger. But when you meet your flaws with curiosity and care, you can actually work with them. I’ve learned this the hard way in higher education leadership. For years, I tried to hide my perfectionism, thinking it was something to be ashamed of. But when I started to see it as a sign of my vision and discernment, and learned to temper it with grace, it became a source of inspiration for my teams, not a burden.

Boi Carpenter

So, as we wrap up, I want to leave you with this: your flaws aren’t evidence of inadequacy. They’re invitations—to deeper self-awareness, to authentic leadership, and to progress, not perfection. If you’re willing to get curious, to map your edges, and to meet yourself with compassion, you’ll find that what you thought were weaknesses are actually the raw material for your greatest growth. Thanks for joining me today. Keep leaning in, keep asking questions, and I’ll see you next time on Inquisitive Leader.